He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
