saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
