God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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