Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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