Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
