: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
