Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
