This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
