It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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