I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
