and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
