she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
