I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
