I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
