I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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