i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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