Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
