theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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