o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
