we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
