The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
