The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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