In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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