shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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