just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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