Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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