so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
