You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
