i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
