Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
