My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
