My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
