i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
