what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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