It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
