Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
