Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
