wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
