dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
