My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
