For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
