i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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