NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
