do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
