honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
