You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize