its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
