He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
