You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
