I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
