I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
These tits shall not be calmed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
