My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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