its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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