We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
