I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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