Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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