Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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