i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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