She announced her abortion via fbk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
