so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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