The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
