I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nicole vs. Life
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
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