Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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