you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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