Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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