We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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