Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
